Today is one of those days where I'm just tired. I don't want to do anything. I feel like I need a mental health day off, but we all know that's not possible with kids. Despite my work outs and healthy eating, I have zero energy today. Maybe it's the heat, maybe it's the crazy swim team schedule, maybe it's the lack of chocolate? Regardless, I'm tired.
I'm typically a person who goes, goes, goes all day and then I crash at night. I don't like coffee, espresso, beer or wine...so I get no pick me up with caffeine or liquid patience with wine. I'm considering changing my taste buds! ;)
When the kids go to bed at 7:30pm I take off my "mommy hat" and put on my "wife hat" and my hubby and I retreat to the man cave and watch TV the rest of the night. I used to think that was so boring when we first became married. But since having kids, I long for it. Typically the longing doesn't really start until 4pm...but today I've been longing for the man cave since 10am. That makes me sad. Sad that I don't want to be around anyone today. I like people, just not today.
Why is it hard today?
It's the mondane:
Most days I hit the floor running with gusto and a song on my lips. That's right, I'm Mary Freakn' Poppins... in the mornings anyways. But eventually the same dishes I wash every day, the same loads of laundry I wash every week, the same floors I sweep everyday...it all just gets so boring and repetitive. And believe me, I've sang the "just a spoon full of medicine" song over and over and snapped my fingers and it doesn't help.
And for this extrovert who likes being creative and challenged...housework just sucks! It takes every single ounce of discipline inside of me to clean each day. And although I do (some days better than others), I don't enjoy it. Music helps some days, but quite frankly it's just a job everyday that I do that I don't like. So I suck it up knowing that I'm in good company with millions of other SAHM's around the world. Did I mention that I hate sucking it up?
It's all the questions:
Studies show that one 4 year old child asks about 300 questions per day. I have 4 children ages 5-7...I'm thinking I get at least 1000 questions a day. Some days I just can't handle them all....like today. And when the same questions have been asked and answered 3 times already...well then I feel like I'm just dealing with children all day! And then I remember I am....and I beat my head against that imaginary brick wall.
It's the lack of alone time:
At one point today my son heard me whispering to myself "I want to scream"...to which he responded "and shout, and let it all out" to a lovely contemporary song. I had to laugh. :)
I actually don't want to scream, I just want to hide in my bedroom and watch ridiculously shallow TV like "Pretty Wicked Moms" so I can feel better about myself. Or finish reading the book I agreed to read for book club. A book which I love (The Orphan Train) but now I'm just stressed out about it because the meeting is in 3 days and I'm only half way done.
But here's the biggest rub:
Hubby is working his butt off all day. He's stressed, making hard decisions at work and has the weight of providing for our family on his shoulders everyday. That sucks. So when I think about what he does for our family and that he never takes a day off, then I feel guilty. He's so dang disciplined that it makes me sick ....but mostly envious of that characteristic that I do not possess.
Quality Time & Perspective:
So what do I do on these days? I send the kids up to fold and put away their laundry (which should take at least an hour) and I read my Orphan Train book. And let me tell you, it's about a sweet little girl who is in such a horrible place of starving, not having a home or family, being abused, ect. And do you know what that does...produces more guilt! :) I'm being ungrateful...and human. It was good to be reminded...us humans so easily forget.
So I get up and do my chores and love on my kids and am grateful for my family, this beautiful home we have and a full fridge. Some days you forget to be grateful. So everyday you have to take some quality time for yourself to truly re-energize and appreciate just how good you have it.
And by quality time I don't mean zoning out on FB or playing candy crush (unless that re-energizes you). But I mean taking 30-60 min. mid-day to read, watch or mediate on something life fulfilling. Being reminded of our deepness in the mundane moments. For me that's re-energizing.
At least that's what worked for me today! ;)
P.S. Sometimes watching Pretty Wicked Moms is deep...because it reminds us that we do have it good...comparatively. :)
Now if someone would just call me at 2pm everyday and remind me to have some re-energizing time, that would be great! I forget to give myself permission.